Sex in marriage
Stereotypes are wonderful in their simplicity. Instead of having to deal with all the possible shades of behavior, we can assume all men or all women want this or believe that. It saves having to do any research or think about the reality. Prejudice goes unchallenged. That’s why we have all this paranoia over Moslems. Just because we have one or two groups of terrorists, everyone professing that religion is caught in the crosshairs of fear and hate. It’s a sad reflection on our humanity. It’s somewhat the same when we start talking about marriage. Right now, everyone is fascinated by the big debate about whether we should allow same-sex marriages. The Californian case has been stirring up all the old stereotypes about why people get married. It’s all about having babies for some. The rest see it as a relationship of mutual love and trust. So the first armed camp stereotypes all married couples as anxiously trying for the maximum possible number of children, while the other camp has a completely different set of priorities based on shared decision-making by the couple – this may be to try for children when careers and finances permit it or to enjoy life without children. This is being written on the day Sir Elton John has announced he has become a father. He and his partner, David Furnish, are delighted.
Anyway, there’s research to show that when a couple first get together, there’s hot and steamy sex. This is when passion is at its highest. Novelty encourages them to great efforts. But, as time passes, sex becomes less common. The question is when, if at all, the alarm bells should ring. If the couple eventually decide not to have sex, is this something that should worry the rest of us? Ignoring questions of privacy, celibacy in marriage is not something new. In 1994, the US National Health and Social Life Survey reported that 2% of couples had no sexual activity in the preceding twelve months, while 20% had sex less than 10 times. Moving forward to 2005, the National Opinion Center found that married couples had sex an average of sixty-six times a year. The youngsters, that’s you folk less than thirty years old, manage to get it together twice a week. Couples who have made it through to their 60s, get excited about 32 times a year. Read more…